better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
