so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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