she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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