you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
