i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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