a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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