Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
