East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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