i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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