i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
