Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
