its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
two words...techno handjob
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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