I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
