I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
