The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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