Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize