No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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