what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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