On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
