after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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