I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
