I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
