ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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