no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
