I smell stomach acid.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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