Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
