Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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