T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
