Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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