He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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