At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
