Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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