wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
