you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
