i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
