my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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