is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize