dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
