Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He shit in the fireplace
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
