My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
