she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
