she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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