Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
