one two three fourrrrnication!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
