i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
