Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
