I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
