Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
