And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
