everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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