Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
