You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize