Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
