just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
