his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
