Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
