Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
