plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Sober January is a disaster.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
