So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
