Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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