My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
