The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
