I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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