And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
